So it seems once again that life is testing me, taking me to a dark place once again. I'm trying so hard every day to fight it, but it's getting so hard. It would really help if I could clarify the difference between paranoia and genuine intuition. Well now it seems that my feeings are confirmed and so, well the upset, anguish & paranoia is becoming anger again. I know I have a bad habbit of trying to ignore what my gut tells me & I should really go on my instincts as they usually turn out to be right. Fate has a funny way of smacking you in the face really, but when you see the obsticles a mile away then why not move before you get too close. Unless of course the hurdles move to meet you, then you're pretty much fucked either way. I have a key word when shit starts to hit the fan and my natural defence (finally) kicks in. "Pirate"! "Pirate"? You may ask. Yes that's right Pirate, Pirate is my true nature, it sums up eveyrthing I associate with freedom, not being held back or controlled by anyone, not being kept in line, my way of saying "You know what? Fuck everything!" "Pirate"!.
I should really mention, I am a 30 year old Father, in a staedy relationship of four and a half years with a Three year old son whom we both love very much. My partner and my child are my universe, everything I do really is to benefit them, I'm probably far from the best Dad & Husband in the world, but I do try hard, I guss somewhere in there I lost sight of myself. My Partner/Fiance/Commonlaw wife is a beautiful young woman with dreams of becoming an actress, Believe me I believe she could easily do it. She's generally a beautiful & happy soul, always smiling & joking & has an uncanny gift of bringing out the sunny side in people. She attracts attention from other males & just has fun with it, much of the time she doesn't even realise. I know I don't usually need to worry as she always remains loyal, however recently I somehow feel like there's a third member to our relationship and feel like I'm the one who's apparently unwelcome :(
I guess to get some light on my ramblings & madness I should really publish some of my old BOS, this may help give you some insight as to how crazy this shit can get.
I have no idea where life is going to take me, or my partner, the important thing right now is how things affect our son!
I can't be the reckless pirate, I have too much at stake.
Time to rethink my approach on everything before I truly crash & burn I guess...
